I visited a tarot card reader before my trip. This was the first reading I had ever received. While yes, I am sure there are plenty of con artists and scammers out there – I do believe that some people are tapped into a certain intuitive power. I believe God is working through all of us at all times, or at least trying to. He doesn’t discriminate. He created us all for a purpose. Some of us just chose to listen more carefully and tap into those powers. I believe these people are just channels for God’s words, working as a conduit translating a message He wants you to hear.
That being said, I was told by this tarot card reader that on this journey I would be given the opportunity to lay before the Lord swords, representing the emotions and vices that were holding me back from inner peace and emotional freedom. I would overcome them through prayers and meditation. I remember thinking, ‘Wow that is awesome – I can’t wait’. I don’t think I realized what this would entail though.
In order to lay these swords before the Lord and release them, I first needed to be presented with them. They must pierce the path I walk. I must be confronted by them, possibly stumble on them, even cut myself a little. That part wasn’t so fun. While I was out frolicking all over this vast and beautiful world, the last thing I wanted was to be struggling with my emotional baggage. I resented them for showing up on my path.
I reminded myself that this was supposed to be as much an inward journey as it was an outward one. I began to pick the swords up. I took them one by one, truly examined them, saw my reflection in them, observed the effect they had over me and acknowledged how they held me back. Confronting emotions like these wasn’t easy and it wasn’t fun. But it was necessary if I wanted to achieve the emotional freedom I so desired.
Some swords that pierced my path were comparison, judgement, self doubt, guilt, self pity, stubbornness and jealously. Sometimes it felt easier just to ignore these swords but I knew they will only end up stabbing me in the back and hurting me more in the end that way.
I learned to bless these swords for they presented to me an opportunity for growth. I learned to embrace them. They are a part of me. I need to learn to love all parts of me and not pass judgment or become a victim to my emotions. Learning to confront and release these swords allowed me to be more at peace, to surrender to each moment as either a moment of bliss or a moment of learning.
It started with more self awareness, knowing what my main swords are and what typically triggers them. Then I simply acknowledged their presence. I would do my best in that moment to pull myself out of that emotion, that’s the tricky step. I can be a very stubborn person. I am a highly sensitive person and tend to sink into my emotions, usually allowing them to swallow me whole. This practice has me working on my emotional discipline.
I do believe it is important to embrace and feel all your emotions, but to be present with them and bring a sense of awareness and discernment to them. You can let your emotions flow in and out of you without letting them destroy you.
So if I have the discipline to pull myself out of the emotion at the moment, all I do is say a quick prayer. I let God know I am laying this sword at His feet with love. I acknowledge that it does not serve me or my higher purpose and I ask Him to remove it from my path. That’s all. I trust that He hears me. I let Him do His job and I bring myself back to the moment, hopefully a little more level headed and at peace.