One of the goals for my extended traveling was to work on rebuilding my relationship with myself that has endured some damage over the years, a lot of which I wasn’t even aware of. It’s funny how much will make itself known when you remove the distractions.
I talk fast. I eat fast. I walk fast. I have always been 10 steps ahead of myself – always striving to be older, more mature, somewhere I’m not. Growing up with an older brother and cousins that I aspired to be, I was never satisfied with where I was. I would jump out of my crib as a toddler. I started walking way sooner than my mom expected in order to keep up. I demanded to be potty trained before I was ready so I could wear big girl panties. I gave up my dolls at the age of 4. This continued throughout my life, wanting to watch shows and movies that were way over my head, dressing and talking older than my age, wearing make up too young.
As a young adult it progressed into this obsession with self-improvement, striving to be the best version of myself. Doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but it came to be. I would never acknowledge my growth along the way, never allowing myself to feel proud. I was always striving, always restless in my own body and mind. I never believed where I was at was good enough. Instead, I focused on my flaws, my screw ups, everything that was wrong with me and all the growth that still needed to occur – never stopping to being proud of what I had accomplished, never just giving myself the support and love I so desperately was seeking. I never gave myself any credit, because I never thought I deserved it. I never learned to just stop and accept where I was and honor who I was.
I am finally learning to allow myself to just be exactly where I am. To find peace in the present moment. No excessive striving. Just loving myself. Loving where I am. Accepting where I am. Humans naturally evolve and I have a strong desire to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally, energetically and it will happen. I just need to trust in the process and relax a little. Stop pushing and let nature take its course. This is not a sprint, in fact there is no race at all.
Respecting myself means respecting the timing of everything, acknowledging and honoring my growth each day, even when I’m not able to see. It’s there, even if it’s on the smallest scale it’s there, building each and every day.
Any time I confront and embrace my flaws or fears – I grow. Anytime I release past pains or blockages – I make space for love. Anytime I get clearer on my intentions – I get closer to manifesting them. Anytime I give myself credit or acknowledge my strengths – I build confidence. Anytime I allow myself to be, just be in the moment – I find peace. It will be all these small revelations each and every day that will contribute to a larger shift.
I have a lot of growth and transformation ahead of me. There is no reason to rush any of it. I should be savoring each little step I take, every inch of progress. This is this stuff that life is made up. The goal isn’t perfection it’s unconditional love – for myself and others.
I’ve made the commitment to fiercely love myself, honor myself fully and have faith in myself and the divine timing of my exceptionally beautiful life.